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Many medical professionals are extremely politically correct with their comments regarding the Tiger Woods' scandal. As I mentioned in a previous post, "Tiger Woods: Sex Addict or Hot-Blooded Male?” some doctors are implying that Tiger has a sexual addiction. While many people were surprised that this superstar, married athlete with a clean cut, "All-American" (and geeky) image would be involved with numerous salacious affairs, theorizing that he has a mental defect is the easy, safe way to go. Thankfully, Dr. John Gray of "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" fame is refreshingly honest and caringly blunt.

Dr. Gray breaks down the answer to the question asked 7.5 million times in the last 4 weeks: Why would Tiger cheat on his beautiful wife? (Side note: while I think his wife is nice looking, personally, I don't really see her as incredibly beautiful. Wondering if the outrage is in part "this black man, who we consider one of us, repeatedly cheated on his blond haired, blue-eyed, European prize.)

In his Huffingtonpost.com column, Dr. Gray explains that when the pull of attraction fades, other aspects of the relationship will sustain the partnership. He states that "attraction, passion, respect, and trust are the four cornerstones of commitment. These traits are tested through time. They ebb and flow as we grow and mature. But if they stay in place during the stormy times, the marriage will last." He goes on to say that even if a committed person notices that someone else is attractive, that person will not stray if they are happy and secure in a healthy relationship (keyword is HEALTHY).

In a Tango.com video clip (below), Dr. Gray makes great four points:

"Attraction goes beyond beauty" Of course, physical looks are important, however, there needs to be a deeper level of connection to allow the relationship to survive and grow. As some modern words of wisdom go: show me a beautiful woman, and I will show you a guy that's tired of f*cking her!

"Having regular sex is the key" Regular sexual activity in a healthy relationship creates an incredibly strong bond. A woman should not be forced or guilted into taking part in any sexual activities in which she does not want to participate. (I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT RAPE; I'm talking about regular relationship pressures.) However, women need to realize that rationing sex is an absolute deal breaker to most men, i.e. he will feel he has a right to go outside the relationship to find satisfaction. If a situation is so bad that you can not engage in regular sex, you need to seriously consider ending the relationship or taking a break.

"Successful men have more libido" According to Dr. Gray, "historically, it shows that the more successful a man is, the higher is libido. Because all that success stimulates testosterone. And those testosterone levels means he wants sex, he needs sex, he wants sex, and clearly he wasn't getting sex at home." I would just add "enough"...he wasn't getting enough sex at home.

"She needs to have an orgasm most of the time" Not only does the male have to be satisfied, it is paramount that the female is sexually satisfied as well in order to develop a deeper intimacy and closeness, which strengthens and maintains a relationship. Men must realize that a woman's feelings about sex are strongly tied to how she is treated in the non-sexual part of the marriage. So fellas, remember ATTENTION, AFFECTION, and APPRECIATION.

The bottom line is this: men can be faithful in marriages. The man must be committed to his partner, she has to be the right partner for him, and the relationship must be healthy (i.e. the blog post you just read!

Story source. Picture source.

Dr. John Gray on Tango.com:

I've always been cut and dry about my feelings about married people having affairs. If infidelity is a major violation of a couples' marital rules, then cheating is wrong and the blame is placed solely on the cheater. Notice I said "if infidelity is a violation". Although many people take a wedding vow before God, friends, and family to be true and faithful to their spouse, life may sometimes causes a couple to alter that promise...create an "arrangement" if you will. Whether agreed to verbally or by implicit action, the new infidelity rule can be anything or everything from (a)being discreet and/or (b)coming home every night and/or (c) not bringing a disease to your spouse and/or (d) avoiding pregnancy.

That's not to say that either or both parties are ecstatic and content, it just that they've decided that this situation currently works best for them. Ladies, for me a single woman sleeping with a married man is very wrong a PERSONAL level. I also feel that a woman staying with a man who repeatedly cheats on her is wrong on a PERSONAL level. (Please feel free to substitute the opposite sex in the above statements).

Enter the Real Housewives of Atlanta and the Kim/Big Poppa drama. I like most people was shocked to find out that Big Poppa was married after seeing the gifts he lavished on Kim. After season one ended, the relationship was supposed to be over, no doubt, since RHOA was a huge hit and his wife had to either see the series herself, hear about it from friends, or just log on to the internet. Rumor has it that during this time, Big Poppa and his wife got the hell out of Atlanta with quickness.

Then season two takes off and we see Kim back with Big Poppa again and she ends up with a BIG AZZ diamond engagement ring. A couple of weeks later, during the reunion show, Kim says the relationship is over, however, Big Poppa shows up during the taping and plants a big kiss on Kim off-screen. Kim then admits she is still in love with Big Poppa. After being questioned about being involved with a married man, Kim explains that Big Poppa is in Atlanta while his wife is in California, and during their relationship he would spends 4 - 5 nights a week with her, and she still hopes that he will get divorced so they can get married. (Other sources also claim that Kim stated that she and Big Poppa had been in a relationship for more than 4 years.) Finally this past week, Kim is spotted with a BIG AZZ diamond band that matches the engagement ring. Whew!!!

Can we really be mad at Kim when it seems that Big Poppa and his wife have some kind of an "arrangement"?

The wife definitely knows (which eliminates what is normally is the biggest problem in situations like these-- a wife completely in the dark). Maybe she still loves him, maybe she loves the lifestyle, maybe after everything she's been thru she determined to stay his wife, maybe it is because of her religious beliefs...for whatever reason(s) she's decided to stay married even though he has had a long-time public relationship with Kim.

Big Poppa is simply refusing to pick between the two. Granted he is out buying Escalades and gigantic diamond rings for Kim on national television, but like many men, he simply can not be the one to finally end the relationship. Maybe it's because he loves both women. (Ladies please realize that a man can love two women at a time. The problem is that his definition of love may not be the same as either of the women.) Maybe it's because he doesn't want to lose millions in the divorce. Maybe it's because he truly doesn't believe in divorce. Maybe it's because his ego doesn't want to see Kim go on to the next Mr. BigMoneyBags.

And then there is Kim who has admitted she is a young fool in love, however, it is her choice to continue to see a man who is not divorced. People overwhelmingly deride Kim in this situation, but how can she bear more responsibility than the actual married couple? Again, if it seems they have an "arrangement" can you really fault her?

I have no idea how this situation will end (or continue to unfold), but what is true for them is true for everybody. It is a choice to stay in a relationship. If a problem arises, you can either leave the relationship or negotiate new terms for the relationship or stay in the relationship as is. However, if you stay, you are acknowledging and accepting that the previous (or a similar) problem can resurface...that's the rub.

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